Even though it was my birthday yesterday, I am feeling a deep sense of ennui.
I have found meaningful work, just for those of you who were wondering.
That’s not what is causing this sense of ennui.
I just feel like I can’t be myself these days.
I have no idea what is causing it.
I know what I’m good at. In fact, I’m doing a little bit of it right now. I’d like to make a living doing this, if only there was a way.
When I was 18 years old, history and politics were my favorite things. That’s why I studied them in college. But now, I think I studied them because I loved the stories that stemmed from those disciplines. I like doing historical research if it involves documents. I don’t like doing political “science,” if it has to exist with the veneer of scientism. I like the drama. I don’t really care if it’s the most beautifully methodologically correct piece ever written.
I should have gone and got my MFA in creative writing, which is what my creative writing professors (no surprise) wanted me to do.
Oh well. I’ve taught myself more through writing for the web than I have learned in all my years of law school and grad school. I know that my writing style has greatly improved since I started writing this blog in July of last year.
So maybe writing is my only way out of the ennui, whatever caused it.
I had been wondering if you’d found something new to do. Sorry to hear that you are feeling blue. Writing will help. I hope you are feeling like yourself again soon.
Hang in there, retrieverman.
It’s probably a placebo effect, but when I’m feeling blue I double my old-lady B-vitamin dose.
Nothing wrong with a good placebo effect in a pinch.
The 20s are hard. They aren’t “supposed” to be, but they are. You’re done with your education, but you aren’t sure just what you want/ought to be doing, who you ought to be doing it with — career and family stuff is just all over the place — or not quite where you want it and you’re not sure where it’s going
Don’t sweat the MFA. The best way to write — and get better at writing — is to do it and receive feedback. Overall, I think the Internet has been better for writing as practice (as opposed to a profession! ;-)) because more people have the opportunity not only to write, but receive feedback on their writing. You got talent and you’re interesting — your problem isn’t “writing” it’s “how the heck do I get people to pay me for this?” which is a totally different question.
I’m going to be 47 next Friday. I don’t know if it helps any, but I think you’re “normal” in your feelings for a writer at this time in your life — and you have my best wishes for working through all this and being completely okay. :-)
Thank you so much.
And you’ve very much touched on what my problem is.
I had no idea that blogging– even this little bit– would be such good practice for “real” writing.
A bit late with this, but Happy Birthday!
And for that ennui, start taking some of your blog entries, and work them into publishable form. You have some fascinating pieces on early breed history and origin that are certainly publication worthy.
Heh. It’s called “I was once in my 20s and not only dealt with this myself, but once the Interent took off in the mid-90s, found that other friends of mine in their 20s were dealing with the exact same thing”
Just pass it on when you’re in your 40s and have figured everything our! ;-D