Natural History

This particular video has been going around on Youtube for over four years. In it, a Texan who calls himself “Bugs,” claims to have shot two sasquatches in 1976. He and his friends, all Vietnam vets, were out shooting bobcats, foxes, and raccoons for the fur trade, when they came across what they thought was bear. They opened fire. The bear then popped up and ran off on two legs. Depending upon the version of the story Bugs tells, they shot it again as it crossed a creek, and then it ran into a stand of wild plums. As the men approached the plum thicket, something started to growl, and Bugs was elected to enter the thicket.  When he entered the thicket he was confronted by a human-like creature, which he killed with two shots. The men buried these creatures, but because their “reproductive organs” were just like  those of human, they were very worried that they had murdered some unusual human beings. They vowed to keep it all secret, but then Bugs started feeling guilty. He sent a map to radio show host Art Bell, who was known for having this sort of guest.

Bugs tells the story in this video:

Now. I found holes in the story from the get-go, as I’m sure everyone does. First of all, bears are a protected species in Texas. In another rendition of this story, Bugs says he shot and buried the sasquatches in the Texas Panhandle. The problem with that is that there are no bears in that part of Texas, and I’m sure that if someone shot a bear in that part of Texas in 1976, he would be in some legal trouble– and wouldn’t be able to sell the pelt. Secondly, Bugs also claims to have seen an eye shine from the creature. The problem with that story is that primates lack the tapetum lucidum, which causes the “eye shine” in most other mammals when a lamp or flashlight illuminates the eyes.

Of course, there is the whole bigfoot in North America is hardly parsimonious, but just because something isn’t parsimonious doesn’t mean that it is automatically unlikely.

If you’d like to see a longer version of Bugs’s story, check out this link to a full episode of Art Bell interviewing Bugs. I once listened to the whole thing when it was on Youtube, but I don’t think I can make myself do so today.

Now, we actually now know who Bugs is.

Bugs is politically active. He was an ardent Hillary Clinton supporter, and when Obama beat Ms. Clinton for the Democratic Party’s nomination, he started a website for disgruntled Hillary supporters for McCain.

Listen to Ed Hale’s voice.  It is exactly like Bugs, and cursory internet searches revealed that Ed Hale used a photobucket account called “bugshale.”

Now, it’s not such a big deal that he chose to support McCain after Clinton lost, but what is the big deal is what he got involved in the Obama birth certificate controversy. You know those bigfoot killers tend to find lots of amazing things. He came across the divorce decree between Obama’s parents that had some possible illusions to Obama being born in Kenya.

For a while Hale had his own radio program called “Plains Radio,” in which he discussed all of these amazing political intrigues.

But no mention of bigfoot.

However, after it became more and more obvious that Ed  Hale actually was Bugs the Bigfoot Hunter, he eventually confessed to it all.

Here’s the confession— and some really nice racist language about Michelle Obama’s resemblance to one of the creatures!

And this is what happened:  Men with badges labeled “NSA” came to Ed’s house with the map that he gave to Art Bell.  They made Ed take them to the bigfoot grave. They dug up the remains, which were nothing but bones. The government agents took photos of the remains, and then they took the remains. And nothing has been said about it since.

So bigfoot is real. The government is hiding the truth!

Call up Dale Gribble  Rusty Shackleford. We got a real story on our hands.

This guy has proof that Obama’s not a US citizen– and he’s got proof that bigfoot is real.

Quite a man!